And it goes on…
Hook: JoDavid Malik JoDavid

My shift’s nearly over/ time to go home/ who knew four minutes later/ things could go so wrong?/ the library’s closed/ me and my co-workers reminiscing about high school/ singing “Baby Got Back”/ acting a straight fool/ 2 minutes from now I will be getting jacked/ one minute to go/ I call my brother on the cell/ leave a voicemail/ 20 more seconds until the living of hell on earth/ the seconds turn to minutes then back to milliseconds/ a car made a quick U (turn)/ and out come my brethren/ fight or flight?/ aw shit they got a gun/ plus it’s four of them and they starting to run at me/ It’s happening so fast/ multiple sensations/ yet painfully aware of this complete violation/ that is cutting so deep/ as I’m thrown to the concrete/ don’t have the time to cry/ don’t wanna die/ oh my God/ there’s a gun on my chest/ don’t they know I’m…

JoDavid

A violent loss of perspective/ why won’t they say something?/ are they just gone kill me?/ this steel is on my ribs/ I’m tryin’ to push it off off/ I’m pleading for mercy/ a principle lacking in this situation/ they got my arms/ I don’t wanna die/ now I’m starting to cry/ thinking about my wife that is thirty seconds away/ will she hear the gunshots of my death?/ why won’t they say something?/ tell me what you’re gonna do please/ this unknown is killing me/ what’s the purpose of this violation/ this escalation?/ my right hand gets free/ I’m trying to move the gun off me/ then came the punch to the back of my head/ I’m filled with dread/ just tell me that I’m dead/ acknowledge my existence/ no matter how insignificant/ this epistemological rape/ I can’t escape/ no heroes with capes/ coming to my rescue/ I don’t know what I’m doing/ just begging, groveling/ pouring out all the manhood I been socialized to have/ and the ego is so low/ and they don’t give damn about “Joe-Baby”/ Juanita and Michael’s son/ Mike, Malcolm, and Matthia’s brother/ that shit don’t matter/ I’m just a piece of matter/ yet they still ain’t pulled the trigger/ go figure/ I can’t/ this randomness is laughing inexorably/ “just give us your wallet,” one says/ what? That’s it?!?!/ All this for some material shit?!?!?!/ “Take everything! Take it all!” I reply/ but before the words are done/ they’re in the car and back on the run… and I’m lying on the pavement alive…. And never quite the same…

JoDavid

Walking home so thankful/ so hateful/ so confused/ so mad/ but glad that them dudes had mercy/ or something/ but God had mercy/ but what about those who were shot?/ temporal retribution and redemptive suffering/ already asserting their presence/ but when the post-traumatic stress hit/ they became even more questioned/ so did “sin”/ so did “evil”/ so did “people”/ so did “God”/ and what’s odd was the fact that everybody tried to explain/ and make meaning/ but that was so demeaning/ holding onto your worldview at my expense?/ this ain’t recompense/ I gotta live through this/ I gotta go get help/ all the fear this situation exposed/ and I was “lucky” given the circumstance/ yet at second-glance/ I could use this experience for perseverance/ but damn it, that doesn’t negate the wrong that was done/ it’s misrepresentative to see that as redemptive/ how many atrocities have to occur/ before the line between good and evil gets irreparably blurred?/ but there ain’t no line anyway/ when the suffering of the victims never get the first say/ how many forces were at play that night?/ what was the combination?/ cuz Lord knows somebody coulda faced a different situation/ that left them dead/ but I’m alive/ so am so I grateful/ should I not be grateful?/ but does it make me “weak”/ that I can’t ignore those who never got to rise from history’s concrete?/ those who begged for compassion/ and only received a lashing/ whether agnostic, atheist, or theist/ it can be a hard thing grappling with reality’s caprice…

Still gotta be…/They didn’t care I was… (JoDavid)/ They never heard I was… (JoDavid)/ Didn’t get the memo I was (JoDavid)/ Man, I wasn’t JoDavid…/ I don’t know what I was…/ I don’t know who I am…/ But it goes on… and it goes on… and I gotta find some way to go on…